Ok, So There's One More...

Just when I thought it was about time to switch subjects, I see another incident to relay. That's right, it just happened to me today on my way to work.

I'm headed north on 69 Highway towards Excelsior Springs, Missouri, when I see a red pick-up truck swerve in behind me. I see his intentions are to slalom between the car in the left lane and my car and I think he's going to cut it pretty close. Some would say it would be fun and cool to slow down so that he would hit me and be at fault, but I'm thinking I don't have the time, patience, or resources to worry about getting in an accident. So, I speed up a little.

As he goes by me I see him gesturing vehemently to the driver in the left lane, firing birds with both barrels. He's flailing his arms in what I can only relate to the Seinfeld episode where George is nicknamed Koko because of his tirade towards a coworker. I'm guessing he was feeling the other driver should not have been in the passing lane so that he could have come through at his high rate of speed which I would have estimated at more than 20 mph over the limit.

What's funny is that he slows down for some reason, maybe to continue firing his missiles. He moves over to the right lane, perhaps to demonstrate the correct driving procedure, all the while he's still got his left blinker on. Then he swerves back into the left lane, still with his left blinker on which I guess would be correct in this case.

No Really,
AWChris

Deer Crossing Guard...

It's been awhile, but I know it's worth the wait. This would be, up to this date, my most famous and favorite traffic story. It also happens to include animals which I know will make it oh so cute.

I was traveling east on 92 Highway, just outside of Smithville, Missouri. More specifically, I was just coming into Smithville. It was getting dark but still light enough to see without headlights. In fact, I don't think many of us had them on quite yet.

I always try to keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary and be a defensive driver, and, in the case of this evening, I see a lone deer trot down a hill from the north. He comes out into the middle of the road, forcing me to slow down. Then, because he decides to stop and stay in the middle of the road, I come to a complete stop myself.

I'm looking at this deer and wondering what I should do when I see him turn his head back in the direction he came from. You'd think I'd heard him whistle when I see three more deer trot down the hill. Oh, they're in no hurry either... Once they are all the way across the road, the crossing guard follows after them. Did I see him nod at me right before leaving the road? I must be hallucinating...

I still picture this deer wearing an orange vest and carrying a hand held stop sign.

No Really,
AWChris

Stupidity In Bulk...

I realize different parts of the country have different stores and we have a wholesale style store here in Missouri that is a spin off of the Wal-Mart franchise. It's called Sam's Club, after the originator's name. One of the first things to know about a store like this is that everything is in bulk lots.

Well, I'm leaving Sam's after doing a little necessity shopping and I realize that there is an accident near the exit intersection. I almost get myself caught in the line of traffic waiting for the police to shop up, direct traffic, and clear the way. But, I'm quick on my feet, or in this case you'd say quick on the accelerator. I make a right turn to go behind a closed down restaurant because I know there's another exit. Not only is there another exit, but I'm planning on taking a right turn out of said exit so I'm completely avoiding the accident. Brilliant right!?

You don't know how right you are... Everyone else sees my plan unfolding and decides I'm brilliant as well. They all begin to follow and even turn around out of the line they were sitting in. This would be flattering if the people weren't so stupid. See, the road is not completely blocking traffic so there is still traffic coming from my right and left (left being where the accident is at the cusp of the exit). So I pull up to make my right turn and another car decides to make a left turn lane which doesn't exist legally on this side street. Then they pull out quickly into traffic without really looking because they were in a hurry to be a part of their own accident. They must have been assuming nobody could come from our left because of the accident, but they were wrong. They pulled right out in front of an oncoming car that had to slam on its brakes. No accident yet... The stupid driver waved at the oncoming car in thanks and apology and almost hit another car coming from the right. For only being one lane, some of these drivers have managed to make three lanes and almost create three to four accidents all in the same location. I guess it was a Sam's mentality. Everything in bulk. At least the police would have only had to be at one location to mop up. But who'd get the stories straight with that kind of free for all?

No Really,
AWChris

Looking Ahead...

I know, I'm so cruel. I'm going to make you wait over the weekend before you can get a chance to read my two favorite traffic/driving stories. If I've forgotten any you were expecting, other than these two favorites, don't forget to let me know before I switch to another category of stories.

No Really,
AWChris