Not Me, But Still Good...

I’ve always remembered my brother’s first car when it comes to automobiles and driving so I figured it was ok to add a proxy story.

He bought a Chrysler Newport, “the boat,” for $250.00 from someone in the local area. It wasn’t pretty, but it was paid for. Anyway, it gets parked outside on the road beside the house the day it gets brought home (we always had cars parked on the road because our driveway was at a 45 degree angle).

Within less than 24 hours of the purchase of the vehicle, a girl from the neighborhood comes barreling down a hill and fails to make the turn near our house. She slams into the back of my brother’s “new” car. She was slightly injured but, overall, was ok. Insurance information was exchanged and “the boat” was given an estimate on repairs from a local body shop. It barely had a dent.

The bill came to $250.00. The car was never fixed as the dent wasn’t that big a deal and it became a free car.

No Really,
AWChris

Forgetting Something...

As I wind down to the two favorites, I figured I’d add a couple short stories from my early driving days.

The first was when I took my first driver’s test. I got in the car, did all the hand signals, lights, and blinkers. Then the officer got in the car and said, “Put it in gear.” Then, as I’m beginning to look over my shoulder to check for traffic, he stops me. He says, “You forget something?” I was so nervous, I still didn’t realize what he was getting at until he informed me I had forgotten my seat belt. He said, “I have to fail you for breaking the law, but I’ll let you go ahead and take the rest of the test.” I wondered the whole time I was taking the rest of the test why I was even bothering. I guess it gave me a chance to practice with an officer in the car.

No Really,
AWChris

Speaking Of Wisconsin...

I found it interesting while in my trek across Wisconsin that I continually saw a road sign giving some direction or traffic law to be obeyed and right next to the clearly marked notice would be another sign saying, “Obey This Sign.”

I’m wondering, do people notoriously disobey traffic laws in Wisconsin that they really need the second sign? Moreover, if people ignore the traffic signs, what makes someone think they will obey the second sign, thereby obeying the first sign?

No Really,
AWChris

More Poor Animals...

Consider yourself warned again...

I was reminded that I had forgotten a couple good stories involving animals and I wanted to relay them while they were fresh.

The first story involved a trip my family was taking to Iowa at night. We’re driving along in our famous orange suburban, pulling a self contained recreational trailer. Some of us are dozing as it’s getting late, others of us are just visiting and listening to music when suddenly we hear and feel simultaneously a loud thump. The suburban even rocked a little which is increasingly strange when you realize that when my dad pulled over to check out the situation he found a huge dent in the side of the vehicle and a dog along the side of the road. I’m guessing this is the ultimate instance of a dog chasing down a car and, this time, actually catching it.

Finally, I’m driving in Wisconsin at night, looking for a turn which turned out to be pretty well hidden as the sign for it could only be read by coming the other direction. Anyway, I’m driving kinda slow to make sure I don’t miss the turn and in my headlights I see all these objects hopping on the road. It took us a bit to realize that there were hundreds and hundreds of little frogs on the road. Then, it became a little disconcerting, if not funny, to hear numerous frogs beating their bodies against the underside of the car. It sounded like someone playing a drum off beat.

No Really,
AWChris

No Dogs Were Hurt In The Making Of This Story...

Coming off a recent post with the untimely deaths of a couple animals, I thought I'd let you know in advance that the animal in this story was unharmed. Now, whether the dog should have had so much freedom is another issue.

My sister and I had been to a dollar movie one evening and I locked my keys in the car. I've only done this three times in my life. Each time I've been distracted from simply getting out of the car. This time we showed up too early and we were sitting in the car to wait. Anyway, the real point of even telling you this embarrassment is because it forced us to walk back to our apartment which was only about three miles or less. The plan was to get my sister's car and come back with spare keys to bring the stranded vehicle home.

When we came to the final stretch of the journey, there was a large intersection we were needing to cross. As we're coming down the hill to the stoplight, I see this dog coming from the hill across the way. He's trotting along, dragging a leash. Sure enough, he trots right out into the road. It's only when he gets out in the road that he becomes confused. Go figure.

So, we're watching the dog make his decision as he trots back and forth in the intersection. Then, this car pulls up in the middle of the intersection and a girl gets out. She calls to the dog and eventually pulls him off to our side of the road, leaving her car in the intersection. About this time a couple police officers conveniently come by the scene. They pull over when they see what's going on and approach all of us. We quickly explain the situation and we discuss what the next step should be. The girl driver, car still in the road, informs the officers she works with strays and such so she agrees to take the dog with her. Mostly, the officers are wanting her to remove her car from the road, which she does.

As I'm seeing the event come to a close, it occurs to me that we can get a ride home out of this, you know, for all our help. So, I ask the officer before he gets back in his car if we can have a ride and I tell him the story about the keys. He agrees and my sister and I hop in the back of the squad car. As we're nearing the apartment complex, I become brave enough to ask what I've been dying to ask the entire time we've been riding and discussing trivial issues. I ask whether or not they feel they can do whatever they want when it comes to driving around, you know, like going as fast as you want and running the sirens whenever just to impress girls and stuff. And, not to name names, the officer says, "You bet."

No Really,
AWChris

Illinois...

I would say, "Need I say more," but many are still unaware or in denial that the drivers in Illinois are the worst in the country. I tried to think of different ways of illustrating this and originally I was going to split my experience into multiple posts so that it would take up the entire "recent posts" section and, thereby, make the point that it was overwhelming evidence to support my claim. What I decided instead was to put everything into one post, especially since it all happened in the same trip. I'm thinking you'll understand when I'm done, but if not, you're welcome to take a trip for yourself. One of my friends thought I was exaggerating until he went on his own escapade. Now, well...

So, I'm driving through Chicago, looking for the highway, or at least seeing the highway and looking for a way to actually get on it. I'm minding my own business and a car with three to four teenage boys comes along side. The driver's revving the engine and stutter starting, bucking his car to get my attention. I try to ignore him until I see I need his lane to make a turn to go the correct direction. I slow down, as I'm not like the rest of the idiots in this world that think they always have to go in front of someone in order to get over. He slows down to match. I speed up thinking he's just thinking I'm thinking like the rest of the idiots in the world and want to go in front to go around. No dice. He speeds up to match. I slam on my breaks, knowing there's no one directly behind me. I pretty much come to a dead stop in the middle of the road. He was not expecting this and he attempted to slow down again, but he didn't slow down enough. I slip in behind with just enough time to make my turn.

After turning, I'm heading down a road which has two lanes, mine and oncoming traffic. Then again, I'm in Illinois which apparently means you can make your own lane. I was passed, twice, by cars driving on the shoulder. I wasn't poking along by any means, but I wasn't going 20 over the limit, either. I was starting to make my theory at this point, but it hadn't been completely tested. But there's more...

I pulled up to a stoplight with a single left turn lane, which I'm learning means nothing. A car pulls up on an island separating our lanes from the oncoming traffic lanes. From there, he proceeds to turn left when the light turns green. At this point I'm beginning to realize I'm the only one who thinks this is odd. No one honks or yells or disallows these actions. In fact, the driver in the actual left turn lane just let the other driver go ahead. He who straddles island gets the right of way...

Then, as I'm looking for a way to get on the highway, apart from the bad drivers, I'm sitting at an intersection of the same road. You heard right, the same road intersected with itself. It was the nexus of the universe.

So, I finally made it on the highway and there was some construction going on which made for the use of only one lane. Yeah, right... I was, once again, passed multiple times by those driving on the shoulder. You realize that's illegal right?

So, my theory well proven, I'm telling everyone about the experience, letting them know to be aware of trips to Illinois. A couple days later I'm sitting at a stop light in Missouri and I see a driver go from his right hand left turning lane into the left hand destination lane. Trying to make a joke about it instead of get too stressed about the experience, I say, "Must be an Illinois driver..." You guessed it. We pulled up to the next light and the plates were Illinois, hopefully just visiting.

No Really,
AWChris

Poor Animals...

Anyone that knows anything about being a good driver knows that it's safer to run over a mattress in the middle of the road than to slam on the breaks or swerve, risking creating an accident. The same is true for animals that dart out into the road. I know, I know, they're so innocent and cute. Tell me that after you've put your car into a tree to save the life of a bunny. I'm pretty sure you'll be the first to blame the bunny, you know, the innocent guilty bunny.

So, I'm driving... You knew it was coming. Please close your eyes while reading if you think you'll be offended...

The long and short of the story is that I hit this squirrel that couldn't make up his mind which way he wanted to run. I tried straddling the poor animal, but he was stupid enough to run under the tire to hide from my large vehicle. What was odd enough about this incident to post it was, when I looked in the rear view mirror to see if the squirrel had survived, I see that his head was stuck to the road but his body was still trying to run, twisting and turning, trying to break free from the road.

My only other animal story of note is when I was driving to Iowa and a bird decided to fly into the bottom of the grill of the car. It happened so fast, there was nothing that could be done. My sister, who was also in the car, was in shock and upset. I was never sure whether she was upset over the death of the bird, the surprise of the event, or the fact that it might have damaged the car. It was her car we were in...

Ok, you can open your eyes now.

No Really,
AWChris

Seat Belt Story...

I mentioned previously that I had not been a seat belt wearer. I grew up during the switch from not being required by law to wear one and our current period requiring the practice. My family just didn't wear them that much. Even when the law was passed, it was hard to start making a habit of wearing the seat belt. Some of my family is still holding out.

Anyway, I now wear it any time I'm riding in an automobile. What changed my mind other than the law and getting a ticket?

Well, I was driving on 92 Highway, just outside of Platte City, Mo. I was actually headed out of town this time, but pretty close to where I was when I received the ticket for the seat belt. I crested a hill and what I see coming at me at 60 mph is a truck in his proper lane and a heavy duty truck, pulling a trailer with mowers, is in my lane, also coming towards me. Apparently, the driver had planned to pass on this dangerous section of road and he over estimated his abilities while pulling the trailer. That or what most people think, he was just a stupid driver. Anyway, I realize there's no place for me to go. I can't slam on the breaks and manage much, either. My life didn't flash before my eyes, but there was a split second, right before the outcome, when a rush of panic and adrenaline came over me. Then, the decision was made for me as the truck with the trailer drove off the road, over an embankment, through some tall grass, and into a gravel parking lot for a small business. There was no accident and he drove off without a scratch. By the way, did I mention I wasn't a seat belt wearer at this time?

For months, when driving that stretch of road, I not only remembered the incident, I also saw the evidence of it. There was a pair of black marks so black and thick on the highway, made by the truck in its evasive action.

No Really,
AWChris

Did I Say Following...

Well, this time the story of following is a little different. See, I had been "following" a car from Kearney to Platte City, Missouri which is about a total of 30 miles. I didn't know the driver in front of me, but it just happened that we had been going the same way. The highway, 92 highway, is only one lane going each direction so there wasn't much in the way of passing or other cars moving in and around us. It was just the two of us for 30 miles. Isn't that sweet? The driver in front of me was probably thinking he'd seen enough of me in the rear view mirror.

Anyway, as we pulled into the city limits of Platte City, an officer goes by us and then I see him, in my rear view mirror, whip his car around, flip his lights on, and the next thing I know I've been pulled over for speeding. When the officer approached my car, he asked me the regular questions like, "What's your hurry?" All the questions had the same flaw, though. They all assumed I was speeding. So I asked him how fast he clocked me and he responded with a figure that was about 10 mph faster than I was actually going. I do admit I was going about three or four miles over the limit as is common for many people, but what put me on the defensive was my knowledge of following the guy in front of me. So, I asked the officer how fast the car in front of me was going. He said the other driver was considerably less than me. I responded, telling him I had been following him for the last 30 miles, specifically since Kearney. How could our speeds be so diverse? He simply looked at me and said, "You were gaining on him." I thought, yeah, I've been slowly gaining on him for the last 30 miles, and once I entered this vicinity, I suddenly threw it into overdrive so I could run my car up the butt of the driver in front of me. You know, sometimes I wish I could really say the things I'm thinking...and you know, get arrested or something...

All I did say was that my odometer must be broken because I never saw my speed reach the levels he was claiming, which was the truth. There must be something about the fact that he was clocking me while moving in the opposite direction as me. Either way, he gave me a warning for the speeding, but he gave me a ticket for not wearing a seat belt. Yes, I know, but this was before I became a convert to wearing seat belts (this is explained in another story to come). Point is, I shouldn't have been pulled over at all.

No Really,
AWChris

Would You Like To Come In For A Cup Of Coffee...

Some are aware that I have a paranoia that cops are always out to get me. I think you'd start to feel that way if you had been followed home, twice.

That's right, I've been followed clear to my house by officers, waiting for me to screw up. The first time wasn't that big a deal as I wasn't truly positive they weren't just going the exact same way as me. I mean, they didn't follow me for that long.

The second time, though, I knew it was a fact. From the highway to my house where I lived at the time there are many turns. Even as the crow flies, the distance was more than a mile. Once you go around by way of the roads, you begin to realize how much it became obvious. It became obvious enough to me that when I reached my street and turned I thought about seeing how long I could get the officer to follow me by going passed my house. Instead, I just decided to call it off and turn into my driveway. What I see in my mirror is the officer pulls to a stop, momentarily, and then decides to move on.

No Really,
AWChris

Different Kind Of Cut Off...

While sitting at a light in downtown traffic, getting ready to make a left turn, it paid to be a little alert.

While there was only one lane designated for turning left (the one I was in), it apparently doesn't mean that the other lanes don't qualify. I mean, just because a lane isn't specifically designated for a purpose doesn't mean you can't still make a decision to do whatever you want to do, right?

Well, the woman on my right made her decision to make a left hand turn, no signal mind you, from her lane. She just simply wanted to go left when the light turned green and she did.

No Really,
AWChris

Off Road Driving...

I'm beginning to think my titles are too revealing...

Yes, I've been run off the road by other drivers, twice in fact. The first time was when I was returning from a job down in Harrisonville, Missouri. It was pretty quick and simple as another car changed lanes, leaving me with the only option of swerving on to the shoulder and then slowing down to get back in traffic behind the offender.

The most memorable was when I moved from the right lane to let a driver on the highway and then they decided they needed the left lane too so they could pass the car in front of them. I just had to keep getting over as they kept merging and merging. I drove on the shoulder for quite a bit in this incident. The woman who ran me off suddenly realized what she had done and gave me the "I'm sorry" wave, but who wants to bet that she learned her lesson...

No Really,
AWChris

I'm Not As Think As You Drunk I Am...

Yep, I came upon a driver that was intoxicated. I don't know whether it was a man or woman because I refused to go around the driver as I didn't want to jeopardize my own life just to get a good look. Instead, I decided to keep my distance and ended up following the driver for several miles. I'm still surprised the driver didn't cause an accident the way the car was weaving between lanes, over correcting when getting too close to other cars and slamming on the breaks any time they were "awakened" to their proximity to guard rails.

Why didn't I take the license plate, you say? Well, once again, I didn't want to be like a lot of the other cars on the road, getting too close for my own comfort.

No Really,
AWChris

What Makes Me Really Mad III...

Finally, my favorite is when I was driving in the far right lane of 35 Highway, going south, near downtown Kansas City. A man was wanting to get on the highway, ignoring the fact that he had a yield sign. In many cases, we here in Missouri move over a lane to let people get on the highway and I'm sure that's what he expected, but I could see what he refused to see. There was a car in the lane next to me. I kept on my way and saw in the rear view mirror that the man was flipping me off, I guess letting me know that I should have endangered two or more people's lives so he could disobey his own yield sign.

No Really,
AWChris

What Makes Me Really Mad II...

A little while back, I was passing another car and I had a guy behind me that was desperate to exceed the speed limit immensely. He was flashing his lights at other cars behind me letting them know they should move over for him. When he reached his position directly behind me, I was still in the process of passing another car. I guess I was supposed to run the other driver off the road in order to get over because the driver behind me flashed his lights at me. I proceeded to pass at my own pace. When the guy behind me finally got his chance to pass me he gave me a couple different gestures including a sarcastic thumbs up, as I had apparently figured out what I was supposed to do. I'm mentally slow, I guess... I couldn't help quickly swerving back out into the passing lane, speeding up to match his speed, and flashing my lights so he would have to make the decision whether or not to get over to let me pass. What do you know, he didn't get over.

No Really,
AWChris

What Makes Me Really Mad...

And frustrated...

I hate it when other drivers honk at me or gesture, including flipping me the middle finger, when they think I've done them wrong and a court of law would show that they were the ones truly in the wrong. I'll give you three examples out of the many infuriating ones.

Recently, I was driving in what would normally be the passing lane, I know, but in this case it was also an exit lane. It's not normally the case that an exit lane is on the left here in the U.S., but it's not so rare that I wouldn't expect people to be able to read the signs and understand that they may have to slow down at certain times. The driver behind me, I guess, thought I should get over to the right lane and hope he passed by me in time so I could swerve wildly back into the turning lane. To let me know this was the proper traffic etiquette, he flipped me the bird, showing his own lack of education and etiquette.

No Really,
AWChris

I Need More Hands...

I could start almost anywhere on this topic, but I thought I'd start with my biggest annoyance, distracted drivers. Drivers are becoming increasingly distracted by many things, whether it be food, drink, paperwork, friends they are talking with (gesturing wildly), sight seeing, maps, makeup, shaving, cigarettes, or the newest, cell phones.

My story involves a woman that was attempting a multitude of the above at the same time. I saw her car meandering a bit and I thought I should go around before I find myself in an accident. Sure enough, when I went by I saw her talking on a cell phone with the phone and a cigarette in the left hand and she was flipping through some paperwork that was sitting in the passenger seat. I believe she was having a complete business meeting while driving and it must have been stressful enough to require the cigarette.

Well, I got by safely and as I've cleared her wake I see in my mirror that she's drifting toward the cement barrier protecting the oncoming traffic from her arrival. She apparently sees the barrier as she draws near and over corrects her steering. I really thought I was going to witness a huge one car accident. Fortunately, I guess, she didn't crash, yet... Sometimes, and I know it sounds harsh, but sometimes I think these people should wreak so that it will stop them from this foolish behavior.

No Really,
AWChris

Shifting Gears...

Now that I took a little time off from posting, I figured I'd also switch to another subject for my stories, traffic oddities. I know many of you have had many stories concerning driving, traffic, and transportation since it's getting harder to find good drivers no matter where you go in the world. More than anything, my stories may lead you to advoid certain areas or types of people as I've discovered that the same events happen multiple times, to me at least, at the same places.

So, on with the show...

No Really,
AWChris