Everyone's Favorite...

Did someone say Perkins?

Quite a few people know the story of our evening at Perkins simply because a lot of people were present. It was on a Thanksgiving after the Plaza lighting ceremony. For those outside Kansas City, we have a trendy shopping area near downtown that has a grand lighting ceremony where every building around is covered in lights. It's one of the things we're known for around here. Anyway, it's obviously a holiday and we want to spend some more time with friends and grab something to eat, but what's open?

Perkins is open. Once again, for those in the area this time, the Perkins is north of the river as most of us lived in that vicinity at the time. We all meet up at the Perkins and are seated at a large table just shooting the breeze when our waitress arrives. She takes our drink orders and the fun just barely begins as one of our members orders ice coffee (basically coffee in a glass with ice). The waitress says she doesn't want to be responsible for the glass breaking with the mixed temperatures and refuses. Determined, the order changes to a pot of coffee and a glass of ice. The waitress acquiesces and leaves to put the orders in.

Now, as I continue on, I do have to give the benefit of the doubt to the waitress that she was having to work on a holiday, late, instead of being home with family, but then again she did choose this job and had a responsibility to her employer to provide good service to those eating there.

With that said, our drinks come and she's beginning to take our food orders. Most of the orders are plain and simple with the only warnings from the waitress being that they were out of certain food items, which was understandable after a long day of serving people who didn't want to cook on a holiday, people like me for instance. Then we get to the end of the table where I'm seated and one of my friends says he just wants a milk shake. She responds, "No." No reason, just a no! We all think she's being funny with us and he basically just reiterates that's all he wants. She says, "I made my last milk shake for the night." It's not that they're out of ice cream; it's simply that she doesn't want to make any more of this particular item on the menu. To this day, I can't remember exactly what his order ended up being, but there was no milk shake to be had as a couple from another table interrupted our talking to ask if they heard correctly that the waitress refused the milk shake. We told them yes, it was true and we saw the disappointment sink in as he says he was planning on ordering one as well. Good luck...

As the discussion went around the table about our waitress, another person called to check where we were at. We told him to come on over and join us and, by the way, order a milk shake when he arrived. When he got there he didn't so order the milk shake, especially after being told the story of our waitress.

Since we had been discussing our waitress for most of the evening and wondering about the tip, we finally decided to leave a note written on a napkin with a tip for the total cost of a milk shake. The note read something to the effect of "Have a milk shake on us!" To put this in perspective, the cost of the milk shake would have been under $3.00 while there was about eight or so of us that should be tipping for our meal.

Perkins has become a little bit of a tradition because of the incident; although we have never seen this waitress again.

No Really,
AWChris

Jumbo Shrimp & Ice Cream: Not A Good Combo...

Once again, I've come with a story about my childhood involving food.

I used to really love jumbo shrimp, not the cocktail shrimp, mind you, but the good kind, deep fried. Is there any other way? Everything's better when it's been deep fat fried.

Anyway, I was treated to a dinner of my choice by my parents for one of my birthdays and selected a place with shrimp. Well, I cleaned out the restaurant of all the shrimp they had and I was completely stuffed. Until... I heard the words dessert and ice cream. Everyone knows ice cream is my weakness. I was stuffed, but I couldn't resist.

So, I'm still finishing my ice cream cone when we all get into the car to go home and, just as we're leaving, I utter the now famous slurred phrase, "I don't feel so good..." Instantly I begin to fill the back seat with a technicolor of chocolate ice cream and shrimp. Oh, I know, many of you have also regurgitated meals, but rarely with such irony.

No Really,
AWChris

Never Again...

My siblings and I were like many others in that we liked to joke and have fun when we were young and the phrase "I bet you can't" made for extra fun.

I remember one time when my grandmother bought us lunch at McDonald's and we took the food back to her house. There we dug into our food. Then, as I was devouring mine, I heard, "I bet you can't eat all of that in one bite." Well, I still had half a hamburger left in my hand and, you guessed it, I stuffed it in and swallowed it. That may not seem like much now, but at the time, I had a much smaller area to put food in, mouth and stomach. My grandmother looks at the situation and she says, "If you're going to eat like that, I'm never buying you another hamburger again."

To this day, I eat pretty fast. I have to watch how quickly I eat so as not to make other people notice, for one, or feel like they're too slow.

No Really,
AWChris

For The Birds...

When I was quite young, I was a ring bearer in a wedding. I don't really remember going to any weddings prior to this so I would say this is my first independent wedding experience.

Maybe this one just stuck with me longer because I was in the wedding and because of what happened at the reception. I went through the reception line all by myself, you see. I was so proud and I could help myself. At the end of the reception table was a container that had nicely bundled up cups of nuts. I thought to myself, "I like nuts." Later I find out I am the nut because I tip my head back to empty the dixie cup's contents into my mouth and discover these nuts don't taste that great.

Now, this is in a time when we didn't do all the fancy things we do now when the bride and groom leave the reception. Now we do bubbles, sparklers, dove releases, butterflies, flower petals, and anything else we can throw. Then, well, I'm sure you're ahead of me by now... One of my family members discovers what I've just done and informs me that I just emptied a cup of bird seed into my mouth and, without yet swallowing the seeds, I rush off to the restroom to empty my mouth of the contents. But, you can never quite get that taste out of your mouth...

No Really,
AWChris

As Far Back As Childhood...

I figured I'd post a few of my childhood stories that pertain to each category, in this instance, food. The first one that comes to mind was when I was in middle school and we were to make pumpkin pies for one of our projects. The time of year was around the Thanksgiving holiday and there was some VIPs coming to visit our school. I was really looking forward to this because, at the time, my favorite pie was pumpkin pie.

When we finished the pies, the best looking ones were selected for the dignitaries and we got to polish off the rest of them. I was anxious to down a few slices. The first slice I ate had a green tint and tasted like gasoline smells, you know that aftertaste that you get from a pungent odor as if you can really taste it.

Well, my body was smarter than I as I became quite sick. Come to find out, some of my classmates used incorrect ingredients and, apparently, poisoned me. I always knew they had it in for me...

No Really,
AWChris

Top 10 Responses...

After giving you some time to ruminate over the last post, I thought I'd give you a list of the top 10 responses to the waitress...

Waitress: "Can I get you another one?"

Responses: In no particular order...

1. Yes, and keep the check!

2. Depends, are you charging me for another?

3. Sure, there's still some unsoiled spots on me.
or
4. How 'bout a different flavor so at least my pants look artistic.

5. No, I'd say this one about covered me.

6. Yes, the first was so good I think I will have another.
or
7. No, I think this one pretty well filled me up.

8. Yes, and can you bring it in a sippy cup?

9. No thank you. I should be able to salvage this one by wringing out my pants!
and
10. What do you think, idiot?

No Really,
AWChris

Malt's On Me...

Yeah, I know the title kinda gives away the ending to this story, but that's only because the true story lies beyond the event itself.

See, I went with some friends and family to a '50s dive that was all the rage around town, the kind of place everyone tells you that you have to go so you do. We all order the oh so famous malts that everyone's been talking about and wait for them to come.

When the waitress brings out the malts, she passes them out to everyone and finally to me, well almost... As the title suggests, it was dropped squarely in my lap. Like I said, though, the kicker comes next when the waitress says, "Can I get you another one?"

No Really,
AWChris

Floors So Clean You Could Eat Off Them...

I'm with some friends in a 54th Street restaurant near my home. For those of you who don't have a 54th Street, you really don't know what you're missing. Anyway, we've all ordered our food and we're patiently waiting for its arrival. The conversation and the laughs are flowing and then a waiter brings out a tray which, to two of us, is easily recognizable as our orders, until the food is less than recognizable lying on the floor after being dropped by the waiter.

My friend and I look at each other and we're probably both thinking the same thing, we'll get an apology and they'll inform us that we're to be disappointed in having to wait a little longer while they reprepare the food.

No sirree... What actually occurs is that the waiter cleans up his mess pretty quickly and heads back to the kitchen with all of the food, including the dishes that were never dropped and spoiled. A manager comes out a few moments later and explains that he's sorry for the wait but some of our orders got burned and had to be recooked.

Once again, looks are exchanged and my friend says to me something like, yeah, I saw them get burned when they fell off the tray...you know, since they were moving so fast...

No Really,
AWChris

Burger King 3.3

Cisco strikes again...

So, I'm getting ready to place an order with a coupon again. I know, those dreaded coupons can make for some painful shopping. Sometimes I think it's easier just to pay full price. Anyway, my coupon is for a buy one get one sandwich deal. My friend, ordering before me, had a coupon for buying a value meal and getting a sandwich free. I'd blame my result on him if I didn't know that, once again, it was me and it was Cisco involved. So, Cisco asks me something about my value meal, I can't quite remember. All I know is that I realize instantly that he wants to give me the same coupon as the preceding one. I also realize that I desperately want him to get it right instead of just getting my food. Maybe it's because I'm on my third time or maybe it's a lifetime of ordeals, but I was definitely in the mood to go a few rounds with The Great Cisco. And yes, I do realize I was going to be getting more for my money than actually using the coupon I had, but once again, sometimes it's a matter of principle.

So, I proceed to tell Cisco that he's misinterpreted my coupon, or as we say in the real world, he couldn't read... Much to my surprise, it actually takes three rounds before I finally point to the coupon and say, "Look. The coupon is only for a sandwich and another sandwich. You can give me a cup for water and that's all I want." Never really looking at the coupon, he says, "Oh, so you want just the two sandwiches and a water?" I wanted to say more, but all I could say was a simple exasperated yes and thank you.

No Really,
AWChris

Burger King 3.2

So I'm in Burger King again, right? This is probably about a month or so after the milk shake incident. I notice Cisco behind the register as I'm approaching. In front of me is a man, seemingly in a huge hurry, and he says loud enough for all to hear, "I don't want this man taking my order. Can I get somebody else?" I find this curious as I thought I was the only one feeling troubled by Cisco's capabilities. Of course, I had given the benefit of the doubt when I first arrived that the training was now over for him since it's been a month or more. Now I'm nervous again. Does this man know something I don't?

Well, it's finally my turn after the hurried fellow orders one of everything. I step up, order and I'm given the total by Cisco. I thumb through some bills and change and then I hesitate. It occurs to me that I want to pay in an odd fashion so that I can get the change I want back instead of excess change filling my pocket. There's nothing wrong with the idea, I'm sure, except that it's me and it's Cisco. People who know me are well aware that I am pretty quick with math, and in this instance that's what caused me to make up my mind to go ahead with my plan. I present the money to Cisco, knowing full well what the change should be. He struggles a bit with the concept while I wait patiently. As he hands me the change, I already know it's wrong. I correct him and he looks at me as if I've lost my mind. I explain to him what I was trying to accomplish, the amount I gave him, and what the correct change should be. He apparently begins to think I'm short changing him since no one could possibly be that quick and accurate with math. Everybody's like him I guess...

Eventually, a manager comes over and I retell the story to him and the incident is over. What I'm trying to figure out now is why I went to so much trouble when Cisco gave me too much money back...

No Really,
AWChris

Burger King 3.1

While ordering at a Burger King with a coupon which was for a free milk shake, I realized the situation didn't look good for me, as usual. The kid behind the counter, we'll call him Cisco, didn't seem to really be on the ball. He, on his behalf, appeared to be training so I gave the benefit of the doubt that all would turn out fine. Well, it didn't turn out too bad as the only real mistake that occurred was that I didn't receive my milk shake. When I reminded him of the missing shake, it was produced fairly quickly but incorrectly. See, I ordered strawberry. I started not to complain when a vanilla shake arrived, but the manager obviously saw me hesitate and wanted to know if everything was ok. I told him what happened and he fixed the problem.

I know, this doesn't sound like much of a big deal, but I assure you the payoff is on its way.

No Really,
AWChris

Burger King II

Could it happen twice?

Worthy of a double post day, you bet it did.

I was stepping up to the counter to place my value meal order when the person behind the register decided it was a good time for a break, apparently completely aware that it was the lunch rush. After announcing the intended action to the manager stuffing fries into various size paper cartons, the employee prepared to head out a side door for fresh air and a stretch. The manager stopped mid-fry and retorted that the employee would find herself out of a job and that her little trek outside could be continued all the way to her home, never to return.

I'm thinking, "This is quite interesting..."

But what's stranger still is, out of thin air, somehow conjured by mysterious forces, a new employee appeared instantly at the register and said, "May I take your order," never missing a beat and acting as if nothing had occurred. I wanted to say, "I don't know... Are you gonna be around long enough for me to finish my order?"

I knew the fast food market had a major turn over in employees, but I never thought it was so instantaneous.

No Really,
AWChris

Burger King I

I'm probably the only person who has had an employee quit in front of their eyes while preparing to give an order.

Yep, I was just getting ready to place my order when an employee decided they had had enough of the whole Burger King scene. So, they quit, leaving their fellow employees to wonder what just happened. Me, on the other hand, I was thinking this was just about par for the course.

No Really,
AWChris

Food...

You gotta start somewhere and I'm thinking the fast food market is as good a place as any. So, I'm beginning with my experiences with the famed Taco Bell. Not that I have anything against Taco Bell, unless of course it's really late and I'd like to get a good night's sleep. Well, maybe there's that thing where they call their sauces mild, hot, and fire... From my standpoint anything less than the fire sauce just makes your taco soggy, but that's neither here nor there.

Few know the real reason why I boycott the drive thru at every Taco Bell on the face of the planet. Oh, I've been in the passenger seat when someone else orders at the pick-up window, but I haven't ordered in that manner for over 10 years. I may not be the only one with this experience, but I'm probably the only one who can remember for a fact that I've never received a correct order from the drive thru at a Taco Bell. Mostly, they've exchanged my items for something, usually something to which I detest. For example, they'll trade my Root Beer for a diet soft drink. My sister received a free drink that night. On that night, my tacos weren't right, either. I do recall, however, that I wasn't too upset the night they gave me a larger order. Yet, this occurrence is far overshadowed by the fiascos that piled up over the years.

Why do I start with Taco Bell of all my experiences? I recently went inside to the dining area and found I'm not immune from problems there, either. What can you do...?

No Really,
AWChris

Introducing...

Well, after much arm twisting, I've been convinced to start a continuing post of the many adventures, or shall I say misadventures, and odd events that occur in and around me. The names have not been changed to secure anyone's privacy as I'm sure anyone included in these many and varied stories have, themselves, told these same stories to everyone they know. It seems I'm known for being the one that attracts attention, and as my own brother puts it, I'm the one you want to take with you if you're looking to have something strange happen during your evening of fun, thereby adding to the fun and stories to be told later. So, for those who are just hearing the stories for the first time, enjoy... For those who have heard the many stories in my life, you're welcome to give a reminder post of those you don't want me to forget.

No Really,
AWChris